Monday, May 3, 2010

Flash dance ass pants

I never want to be the guy who rides around in threadbare shorts. So Sunday I decided to rip a big hole in my favorite pair of bibs. It started when I stopped shaving my legs. Why do amateur bike riders shave their legs? To avoid road rash and for massages of course. I have never had a massage, have only crashed on my road bike once and did not get road rash. So I started farming leg hair. Mistake one.

After a long winter with lots of wet gritty rides, I replaced my bar tape and cables on Saturday night. Mistake two.

Then while rolling out of town I decide to try and ride through some wet pavement even after I have seen hours of footage (@ 0:17) and wondered, Why take the risk? Mistake three.I quickly found myself doing my best Denis Menchov for about 9 meters, thinking about lawn furniture, while managing to take off my sunglasses. Not only did I scuff my new bar tape, I had to live with the humiliation of riding around in rubber underwear with a hole in them. And I got sunburned where the hole was.So I spend the next day playing with my Evil Knievel Scramble Van because we recently met with a mortgage guy. Said mortgage (for still-theoretical house) means my Scramble Van is the closest I will get to a Sprinter Van or any other vehicle for the rest of my life.* Not that I need one of these, but I am just sayin. *It should be noted that it is amazing that I even have a wife since I have a Scramble Van and still play with it.

5 comments:

Lanterne Rouge said...

I always wonder what the neighbors think when Beans sets up "house" in the back yard and starts taking pictures.

"Kids, now you stay away from crazy old Professor Beans"

Anonymous said...

Its probably because of the Scramble Van that you have a wife at all.

Those things are major chick magnets

Hogan

David Henderson said...

You lucky dog! I'm talking about the Evil Knievel stuff. I had the car that when it hit an wall or something the car shell would eject off. It was great! Oh how I miss it!

Joshua Stamper said...

My wife compromised on the sprinter. She is letting me buy a short bus.

Unknown said...

How lucky...

I mean you have a wife AND a scramble van, technically mine both fell to bits years ago, although technically we were never married...
(Me and the missus that is)