North Dakota = ALOHA from hell. Part #2

I opted to drink beer and shoot pool rather than attend the Christmas Eve sermon. This ensures my direct ticket to hell upon completion of my time on death row. Sunday school always presented hell as a fiery place full of dancing demons. Sounds like a nice party in Haiti or Jamaica if you ask me. My hell would be 30 plus mph winds all day, temps that never crest 10F and a sun that is blocked all day by blowing snow. North Dakota in the winter. Explaining this to Chula, she replies “Freezing to death is much nicer than burning because you can fall asleep and before you die you have a false sense of warmth and euphoria.” She smiles at me, satisfied, like maybe I should go find out. I used to try to freeze to death by bringing a bike to ride during my winter sentence in North Dakota. The ice kept me pedaling in place and senselessly spinning my wheels. Much like this torture device. The North Dakotan rollers were served up with a nice side of frostbite, frozen lungs and ice cream headaches. Winter is my deserved hell.